From a young man in Nepal: My brain is active all the time and has to either listen to all the subtle noises happening around and decipher their rhythms, or remember past memories and audio samples, sometimes on loop. I often get irritated by my my family members who I otherwise adore and are great people and I love them and behave well most of the times.
When I wake up in the morning, I feel so sad about myself and the wretchedly unproductive day I’ll have to spend because everything is so indefinite in my life right now and most importantly, I deeply feel a person of my potential should be grinding hard and producing gems right now. I hate being so wasteful and when I get my ass off and try to find something to reach out to and dedicate my life to by leaving this life behind, I get entangled in so many options; I read one thing, watch another video, make a thousand clicks on the software to create or learn stuff to produce something valuable and always end up confused, inconclusive and sad.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with emotions when I feel the love, care and worth-living-for quirks of family and friends and feels so positive, but mostly, the only satisfying and comforting point of my day is when I am in my bed with few hours to myself before I sleep in the soft, safe, certain and imaginative haven of a bed.
I feel like I have disappointed most of my family, friends and myself too. Nobody understands me.
Please stop berating yourself. You are not worthless. You are depressed. Of course you feel wretched. It’s how people who are depressed feel. Since you report that you have a loving, supportive family and good friends, chances are this doesn’t have much to do with your relationships. It’s likely there is a biochemical disorder contributing to how you feel.
Use your computer to identify sources of psychiatric help in your country. If there are none, or if they are hard to find, talk to your medical doctor. Your doctor may be able to prescribe some medications to improve your mood and to calm down the spinning in your mind.
Ideally, you should also see a mental health counselor to help you develop new coping skills and to help you move forward in your life. If you can’t find a counselor, I suggest you read the book Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns. Dr. Burns offers an excellent explanation of depression as well as practical strategies you can use to help yourself.
You may also find it very reassuring and helpful to join one of the forums here at PsychCentral. The forums provide a place for people who are not professionals to give each other support and advice.
I wish you well.