I am 16 years old. The bad: Already, I am obsessed with massive amounts of fame and money. I obsess over money. I want to have acres and mansions to my name. I want to have everybody know my name around the world and have celebrities come to my parties held at my massive palace estate. I want to be chased by paparazzi and I want to be on every talk show every weekend. I always want to be the center of attention. I want to own numerous companies that dominate the industry they sit in. I am willing to work as hard as I need to in order to obtain all of this. I have a 4.2 gpa with AP Classes, in addition to being multitalented in design, art, fashion, dancing, and more. This leads me to have a self-inflated image of myself where I consider myself to be more special and better than everyone else. I keep telling myself it is these traits that will lead to my fame and success. I am obsessed with success. If I do not achieve what I hope I will (fame, money, status, etc.) I will feel ashamed and feel like a complete failure. I will have failed my entire meaning to exist. I hate being under power. The only person I will ever love and accept being ruled by is God. I feel emotion, but not a lot of it. This pains me. When the closest person who I loved the most passed away, I had to force myself with all my might to muster a tear. I will forever hate myself for this. I wish I felt more emotion. I feel empathy for others but not as much as I know I should. All of this (everything I wrote above) every part of it makes me feel disgusting. I know it’s not right, but I don’t know how to fix it. I feel guilty, yet I will still chase it all in the end anyways, all while feeling guilty.
The good: I want my brothers and parents to be just as successful. I want to spend massive amounts of money on the homeless and those in need. I love animals and women, and consider them to be the most innocent forms of life. I want to open numerous charities to help those in need.
Please tell me what is wrong with me.
It is impossible to diagnose over the Internet. A diagnosis would involve a thorough in-person evaluation. You’ve asked me to tell you what is wrong with you, but I’m sorry that I can only do that with an in-person evaluation.
You have provided many details about your life and, without giving you a diagnosis, I can give you some insight into the issues that you have described. First of all, and most importantly, the fantasies that you are having, daydreams of wealth and power, famous friends etc., are not at all uncommon for teenagers.
It’s hard, very hard to go from being a totally dependent child to being a responsible, independent adult. Your fantasies revolve around power. You stated that you dislike anyone having power over you, which is just another way of saying that you would like to have more power and this is incredibly common among teenagers. After all, that is the journey from childhood to adulthood, an exchange of power.
Many persons, who have all the things that you desire, wealth, prestige, famous friends, paparazzi and more, are unhappy and turn to drugs in an attempt to provide them the happiness that they seek.
Many famous people have purposely ended their lives. Their suicide is just another way to say that the achievement of fame and wealth and power were not enough to make them happy in life. It is simply untrue to believe that being famous, having money, etc., will make anyone happy.
It is true to say that many people and most teenagers believe that it will. Those that continue to believe so will continue to be wrong.
Most of the teenagers who have the fantasies that you have will, as they age and progress through life, realize that the important things in life are not the things that they believed during the transition from childhood to adulthood.
The teenage years are really hard and most adults fail to appreciate this. I have yet to meet a teenager that would fail to benefit from good counseling. Parents and teachers are often just not enough.
Good luck and please write back if you have any other questions.
Dr. Kristina Randle