From a young woman in the U.S. I have been dating the same person for almost three years, I recently find myself getting angry because I feel i am not completing my goals as fast as I would like to and in return blaming it on the relationship, for the this reason: If i worked more overtime I could reach my goal faster but don’t want to because then I would miss him a lot and i would be miserable about seeing him less, where as when i was single i had no issues working as much as I had to, in order to obtain my goals because i had nothing to look forward to when I came home.

He is very supportive of my goals and wants me to reach them even if it means I would see him less, so it is not like he is personally holding me back, I know it’s me but how do I get past this?

You are asking an important question. I don’t think it’s a matter of “getting past” it. I think you need to take the time to clearly think about your values and priorities. Women can and do have both an important career and a relationship. But you are right that it often takes a lot of juggling. Having clarity about what will give you joy over the long term will hello you make the choices now that will help you get there.

I was so glad to see that your boyfriend is supportive of your goals. I wonder if you have been trying to solve your dilemma without sufficiently involving him. Perhaps the two of you can talk about how much time you need to spend with him to nurture and enjoy the relationship while you also work on your career. My guess is that he would also appreciate having some clarity as he pursues his own work goals as well.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie