From a man in the U.S.: I am a home owner that I am renting out 2 rooms to 2 people, 1 each. One is female, the other male. The female constantly thinks someone has been in her room, making holes in the wall to peek in her room, and thinks things weren’t there when they have been there since I’ve owned the house. She seems to think that the male roommate is stalking her and is obsessed – with her even to go as far as accusing him of climbing on his dresser to listen thru the wall to her room. The rooms are next door to each other.

I have been told by the male roommate that she is on medication for something, but unknown for what. She keeps saying someone keeps getting on her phone and deleting the “proof” that I ask for but she never has. I honestly think there is something wrong with her and that she needs help.

The female is in her 50’s if that helps at all. And she only accuses him of doing all this stuff and nobody else, but has yet to show any proof or the proof magically gets deleted. I also have a motion detection camera setup that faces towards the main entrance which is where their doors are as well, which shows he has not once touched her door or gone into her room, but she seems to think he can get on and delete the recorded video, which is only recorded to my computer.

Please let me know what I should do or who to call. I believe she really needs some mental help.

Yes, she does need help. I can’t give you a diagnosis on the basis of such little information. However, since she is taking a medication, she is probably being treated by someone. Unfortunately, it looks like she needs more help than she is getting. Sadly, I suspect that she will not respond well if you suggest to her that she does need to see her doctor. She is looking at the world through a lens of fear.

You’ve taken her seriously and made sure that her accusations are irrational. She doesn’t accept the proof you have offered her. Therefore, It is unlikely there is anything further you can do to reassure her that she is safe. If you try to be more helpful, you may find that she will add you to the list of people who are hurting her. If your other tenant were to leave, it is likely she would shift her complaints to anyone new who moves in. She can’t help it. She’s ill. But that doesn’t make her unaccountable for her behavior.

Although it’s good of you to be so concerned about her, you are her landlord; not her friend, not her husband, not a relative. The line between being compassionate toward her and being a responsible landlord for your other tenant is a difficult one. Complicating things further is the fact that you are also under stress because you live there as well.

I suggest you contact a landlord/tenant attorney about how to draw appropriate boundaries with her for yourself and the other tenant. The attorney can advise you on how to protect both you and the other tenant from accusations and, if necessary, how to move her out.

One way to provide some support for her is to do some homework. Do look for resources in your community that may be able to provide her with supportive services or housing. Then check with the attorney about whether it is wise for you to present her with options if living at your place isn’t tenable.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie