From the U.K.: I don’t really know how to describe how I feel, and when I try it doesn’t really make sense but here it goes. I go through stages where I feel like I could rule the world, and that I sort of have these superpowers that nobody else does and can’t understand. I feel as though my mind changes so fast and that from hour to hour I could be one persona with certain powers, to the next hour to another. I don’t sleep much during this time, probably why I’m still awake at four in the morning. My mind feels like it’s racing, like my thoughts are going 100 miles and hour and no one can catch up to me.
I also know that every man is in love with me (even though I understand that that’s not rational), but I feel that they truly are. That there isn’t a man in the world who wouldn’t fall in love with me. I don’t know why I feel this way. Sometimes I can sit at my desk and write for hours, creating stories and drafting novels. Without divulging too many personal details, I also become quite sexually active with people I wouldn’t ordinarily touch, let alone have sex with. This is when I feel my best.
But other times I feel like something has sucked the life from me, like I’ve been cursed and all of my energy is just leaking out. I’l just lay in bed all day, staring at the ceiling for hours or pretending to watch some tv show. I’ll also cry myself to sleep, and it feels like there’s a shadow draped across my soul that drags me down.
Please tell me what’s wrong with me. Although I look now at what I’ve been feeling and it seems crazy, during the moment it just feels like everyone else is being miserable and boring, or just want to hurt me. Thank you.
Thank you for writing. I can’t, of course, make a diagnosis on the basis of a short letter. But what I can tell you is that what you say is consistent with a bipolar illness. Why don’t you look that up and see if it fits?
The good news is that symptoms like this are treatable. You can have a more balanced and more peaceful life. Please take your letter and this response to a mental health counselor. It will help get your therapeutic work started. And, please, do yourself the favor of following through. What you described is a very hard way to live. You deserve better.
I wish you well.