When I was around 5 years old (my best guess, I am not exactly sure because used to go to elementary school back then) I dreamt of being tied up and two or three people sexually abused me, in the dream I remember being touched and being asked if it feels good. After waking up, Unlike other dreams I remembered the dream in clear detail to this day, and could not make out of what it was, since at that age I knew nothing about sex.
Trying to realise what it meant at the age of 12 it made sense when I learned sexual education , being a Buddhist back then ( now atheist) I thought its a memory from the past life.
however, the most worrying part is that I dreamt it about 3 months and again month ago, also recently,I was laying on bed thinking about it and I started to remember memories like memories of me being in the preschool corridor and in the neighbors house, they are from the same times I saw the dream.
Other problems I had growing up which could have be connected to this dream
I had a bed wetting problem up until I was in my early 15 years old when it stopped,
1)At age 14 I had my first homicidal dream. since then I had those dreams until recently it stopped.( I did not go to a psychologist for help)
2)As a teen and a young adult I voluntarily hold my stools back. While I was looking it up I found out that people who suffered from sexual abuse as children tend to have this bad habit.
I also have to mention that I had to endure a lot of verbal abuse and a few physical abuses from teachers and bullies, mostly at the age of 9 ( it is legal here to discipline students by beating them). And that could be the cause to the problems I mentioned above as far as I know I do not have a memory of sexual abuse but It’s been quite stressful because I tend waste hours wondering if the dream is a memory . I am afraid to find out by myself.I need a professionals opinion. I am too ashamed and scared to tell anyone. can you tell me if the memory real? Thank you for reading.
Without verifiable proof, it may be impossible to know if your memory is real. Living with this ambiguity can be difficult. There is evidence to suggest that it is real but you may never know with certainty. Memory is notoriously fallible.
The evidence to suggest that the memory is real is fairly strong. Your vivid dream. Your additional memories. The bedwetting and additional physical health problems. Those are all consistent with early abuse, but are not proof.
The unconscious mind records every moment of our lives but only so many memories can be maintained in the conscious mind. Many of those memories are repressed for various reasons. Psychoanalytic theory suggests that abuse memories are repressed because they are psychologically painful. People who have been abused may not remember their abuse until they are psychologically ready to deal with it.
You should not be afraid to speak to a therapist about this issue. They won’t think negatively of you. They are trained to deal with these issues. You might choose a therapist with training in trauma and abuse.
The goal for dealing with this issue is not necessarily coming to a definitive resolution about whether you’ve been abused. A more realistic goal would be to proactively prevent possible abuse from the past, from negatively impacting you in the present. Good luck and please to care.
Dr. Kristina Randle